Don't have an account yet? You can create one. Registered players can create up to three free characters to battle, team up with your friends and explore the worlds of the Nexus! To create a character once you have registered, click on Game Map at the top of the page.
Nexus Clash :: View topic - Skillz Police Most Wanted, and You!
Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:48 pm Post subject: Skillz Police Most Wanted, and You!
Yes, you! You can become one of Breath 3's Finest (to Protect and Serve), as a genuine Special Constable in the Skillz Police. No badges, cause we don't have any. No other rewards at all, because, well, we don't have any of that, either.
The Skillz Police (to Protect and Serve) are semi-tireless in their devotion to enforcing one of the oldest meaningless dicta in the history of Nexus insert-conflict-noun-here. Yes, even before Bob (all Praise to Bob, may his coding continue to delight us all), the Skillz Police were born.
The Skillz Police are here to ensure that we all have the Advanced Thrown Weapons skill. Fred Dullard, as Public Affairs Officer of the Skillz Police, is glad you asked why (yes, you, you in the back, with the pipewrench). Because. That's why.
More fully, because jorm spoke, saying unto his alpha testers:
jorm wrote:
No one is forcing you to buy the skill. There's not anyone with a gun coming to your house to point it at you and say "okay, you have to buy advanced thrown weapons now!".
So, I think you can see where this is going (has, in fact, gone). Thus, the Skillz Police. We enforce what the games' creators haven't!
Semi-tirelessly, the Skillz Police (namely, Fred Dullard, Chief and indeed Only Enforcement Officer) patrol wherever they happen to respawn, seeking out the miscreants who have not taken this fine skill, and smacking them silly (no gun, sadly, but as soon as Fred finds one, he'll be happy as heck to point it).
But there is one Skillz Criminal, one Repeat Offender who presently defies all Fred's efforts. Yes, thanks to the careful coding of Bob (all praise Bob, etc.), Fred is absolutely prevented from attacking this Vile Non-Throwing Person, viz., Fred Dullard. Fred does not appear in Fred's attack pulldown. As Mr. Shooty noted in his FAQ, you can shoot yourself neither by accident nor on purpose, no matter how much hooch you consume.
This is where you come in! Fred is sure he can rely on you. Come and beat Fred senseless (indeed, dead), shoot him, run him over with garbage trucks (and I think you know who you are, "A Garbage Truck"), in the name of the Skillz Police.
Particularly fine attempts (in the sole judgement and discretion of Fred) will be rewarded with, well, nothing at all, but I reserve the right to quote them in this forum with approbation and thanks, and award the purely honorary (not to say illusory) title of Special Constable.
N.b., anybody you murder aside from Fred, you do on your own time, and the Skillz Police won't be held responsible by any semi-sane person for your murderous rampage. We have our own murderous rampage, thank you very much.
It is with a sad heart that I pen these words. Many of you, and you may quite possibly know who you are, are murdering me without so much as a passing word.
Please, I beg you, show either your support for the Skillz Police' pioneering efforts in skill enforcement with a few kind words (before murdering me as I richly deserve, for I do not have the Required Skill), or alternatively, your complete contempt for my brutal methods and evident corruption, with a few unkind words before the inevitable mayhem (or, in the case of the garbage truck, unfortunate trash collection accident).
Is it too much to ask? Remilia has obliged, and you can too. I promise to be extra incompetent in my attacks on you, should you be worried that you could suffer some disadvantage in live combat from pausing to compose a bon mot or two.
- The Executioner whispered to you, saying "And with the assistance of your xp I will have advanced throwing very very soon." (2012-01-10 14:44:49).
- The Executioner whispered to you, saying "See I haz skillz" (2012-01-10 14:44:19).
- The Executioner said, "Hey hey look at me see what I can do." (2012-01-10 14:42:59).
And indeed, it would appear that The Executioner spoke truth, for he or she now has the Advanced Thrown Weapons skill. He (or possibly she) is an inspiration to us all. Well, except perhaps for me, I still don't have a thrown weapons skill to my name.
- The Most Destructive Evil One said, "Do Either Of You Degenerates Think There Is Any Way To Escape From The Twisted Hand Of Evil?? Maybe, Just Maybe If You Had Advanced Thrown Weapons, You Could Find Refuge... But It Looks Like That Chance Is Gone!!" (2012-01-12 02:06:57).
You may be able to guess the rest.
Mind you, The Most Destructive Evil One is clearly in sync with Skillz Police methods, as they too lack the Advanced Thrown Weapons skill.
Fred definitely approves of the trend towards suitably spammy murdering in his vicinity.
- Brand attacked you with a Throwing Knife and missed! (2012-01-13 17:46:06).
- Brand said, "Well, shit... I''ve got no quivers and my SMG just broke." (2012-01-13 17:45:42).
You know, sir, the Skillz Police have a suggestion that might just help with the efficient murdering of police officers. Now I would never say a word against the Archery skill, of course, but have you ever considered Advanced Thrown Weapons? Why not take ALL the tier-1 skills, come to think of it (except Swim, never Swim, deadly drowner of characters)?
- Janus said, "Fred, you''re wanted on counts of association with criminals." (2012-01-14 04:05:53).
Pah, as a dedicated and hard working public servant (to Protect and Serve), of course I associate with criminals. I have been associating my foot with them, for the most part, but soon I hope to associate my demonic claws with them.
No, I do not associate with criminals, I AM a criminal. A dedicated flouter of the very laws I enforce.
To think that I should be insulted so. I despair.
By the way, might I ask more of you slackers to kindly congregate in the well-lit and delightful hospitals of this fair land? Soon there may be exploding demons, and massive hospital demon explosions are a traditional way to welcome in Pariah Season.
Edit: I am pleased to report that The Executioner still has the Advanced Thrown Weapons skill (thanks to levelling up on my poor self) and is still killing me, as he should, and very kindly thanking me for providing said XP. Yes, the Skillz Police, always happy to assist in your personal empowerment and growth, that's us!
- Fred Dullard said, "How nice to see you all here in this place of learning. I trust you are all well? And have your Advanced Thrown Weapons skill available for inspection?" (2012-01-16 14:48:30).
- Fred Dullard whispered to you, saying "Oh dear. Still? Still no ATW? After all my work?" (2012-01-16 14:49:11).
You have died. Your spirit is floating in the void amongst the planes.
The Dungeon Master would like to point out that, despite repeated instruction by the Skillz Police, he seems to have a cirtain lack of natural aptitude for the thrown arts. He has tried throwing dice. He has tried throwing players out of his games. Heck, he has even tried throwing splatbooks at unruly hordes of oozes that seem to multiply in his gaming room... But to no avail. His dice roll 1s, his players keep crawling back no matter how many character deaths and TPKs he inflicts, and splatbooks, while heavy, prove more aerodynamically suited to being used as blunt trauma close combat weapons than improvised ranged basic attack non proficiency items.
While I respect your Lawful Neutral agenda, please remember that the LN alignment has gone the way of the 3.5 dinosaur. Please get up to speed wi 4th edition before it gets upgraded again.
- Yaz Shamriz said, "woa" (2012-01-19 02:52:52).
- Yaz Shamriz peers at Mr Dullard skills (2012-01-19 02:54:07).
- (6 times) Yaz Shamriz attacked you with a Sword and missed! (2012-01-19 02:54:42).
- Yaz Shamriz attacked you with a Sword and hit for 6 points of slashing damage. (2012-01-19 02:54:55).
- Yaz Shamriz whispered to you, saying "let that be a lesson" (2012-01-19 02:55:15).
and then a little later, in a faction stronghold:
Quote:
- Yaz Shamriz said, "Frank Dullard, one north of library" (2012-01-19 02:56:45).
- Yaz Shamriz said, "yes yes hiself" (2012-01-19 02:57:07).
- Yaz Shamriz said, "th'' pope o throwin" (2012-01-19 02:57:30).
- Yaz Shamriz said, "Heretic he is!" (2012-01-19 02:57:49).
NOOOO! I just forum-zerged. Well, I am an awfully corrupt policeman.
Anyhow, I celebrate the promotion to pontifishness, as a true disciple of Saint Throwie, and accept my new name, as long as I can call you all "Daisy."
And in response to another excellent point:
Quote:
Please get up to speed wi 4th edition before it gets upgraded again.
I note that it is, in some sense, too late for me. How (5th edition) sad. I'm pretty sure that my paragon path, when combined with my theme, gives me a free-action at-will "Ignore Inconvenient Facts." Unfortunately, ranged, so (a) I kind of suck at it, as those who inspect my skills will point out, and (b) it seems to unleash a veritable storm of opportunity attacks on my narcoleptic self.
As proof that I am not a heartless corrupt bastard, I will respond to this:
Quote:
- Father Christmas does have "Extra-Special Advanced Throwing Weapons", a present the elves created for a particular Emperor. (2012-01-19 16:15:11).
- Father Christmas said, "The skill is, unfortunately, very shy. It hides from the sight of fools and naughty boys and girls." (2012-01-19 16:17:25).
- Father Christmas said, "In fact, it is made from the same threads of CP as my new clothes." (2012-01-19 16:18:11).
- Father Christmas strikes a pose. (2012-01-19 16:18:38).
with unquestioning belief. Father Christmas says he has Extra-Special Advanced Throwing Weapons, which I can only presume is even better than the Required Skill, and who am I to doubt him? I'm afraid that it is all too plausible that I might be included in the categories "fools and naughty boys and girls." The new clothes are undoubtedly quite impressive, but since I died before I could properly inspect them, I have to take them on faith as well.
So ok, Father Christmas gets a Get Out Of Jail Free card from the Skillz Police.
I'll be sure to send Sakuya your way to take care of you. You may find her entirely innocent with her throwing knives.
Or perhaps you'll change your mind when they're thrown in your general direction. There's a special place on my hitlist with your name. I hope that you've added mine, and all others in the Scarlet Devil Mansion to yours.
You may rest assured that anyone from the Mansion except Sakuya will receive the finest in modern community-based, proactive skills policing from Fred. I may be a corrupt, terminally venal, violent bastard, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Well actually, no I don't. But you may rest assured that Sakuya will not accidentally fatally run into Fred's blood claws during a routine traffic stop. Remilia et al, well, you know how it is. Fred likes a good pipe-wrenching as much as the next peace officer, beat his brains out with blunt objects twice a day and extra on public holidays, he calls that Public Service for our treasured citizens, but the Scarlet Mansion is a bastion of Skills Violation, and undoubtedly should be targeted for special enforcement action.
I note with approbation that we are increasing law enforcement efficiency and immeasurably improving the quality of life for our citizens through the application of modern technology:
Quote:
- A Point Defense Turret rolls in on its tracks. (2012-01-20 09:13:49).
- A Point Defense Turret beeps in alarm! Mr. Dullard doesn''t have the advanced thrown weapons skill! (2012-01-20 09:14:17).
- A Point Defense Turret takes aim. (2012-01-20 09:14:26).
- A Point Defense Turret attacked you with a Pump Action Shotgun and hit for 8 points of piercing damage. This was enough to kill you! (2012-01-20 09:14:43).
Gosh! How efficient is that? As you can see, one shot, one perp, one community saved from dastardly skills criminals. I can sleep better at night. Or, rather, drift around formlessly awaiting respawn better, night or day, seeing as how that was enough to kill me. Good to know that the tireless automated military killing machines are on the job, improving the correlation between death and the lack of Advanced Thrown Weapons, and improving the efficiency of the Skillz Police by murdering me in my sleep.
- The Devil On Your Shoulder said, "They say that "he who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster". Now, take a look at yourself Mr Dullard." (2012-01-29 11:21:58).
- The Devil On Your Shoulder leans closer. "You have all the skills needed to hunt down those without Advanced Throwing. You have all the skills needed to slay those - those who have indeed sinned; those who have done worse then even I coud! But in your lust for righteous vengeance... where have you arrived?" (2012-01-29 11:24:01).
- Someone used a bullhorn to say, You have arrived in a place where you, yourself, do not have Advanced Throwing!. It was so loud, it must have come from inside. (2012-01-29 11:25:05).
- The Devil On Your Shoulder saviours the feelings of self-loathing as he revs up the chainsaw. (2012-01-29 11:25:42).
What, the Devil on my shoulder is tempting me into a life of righteousness, tolerance, and forbearance? Interesting. I shall consider your position with care.
Indeed.
No, still rotten as the day is long. Sorry. Ὕπαγε ὀπίσω μου, Σατανᾶ: σκάνδαλον εἶ ἐμοῦ, ὅτι οὐ φρονεῖς τὰ τοῦ θεοῦ ἀλλὰ τὰ τῶν ἀνθρώπων. Only in this case, τὰ τῶν ἀνθρώπων ἀλλὰ τὰ τοῦ θεοῦ.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Forum FAQ
Search
Usergroups
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
